if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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