I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
