how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
