Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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