final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This house was built for laser tag.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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