she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
