The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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