I wish my penis had an off switch
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
