i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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