I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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