she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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