just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
