I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
