Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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