God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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