My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
