Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
