I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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