Jerry, you need to find god
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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