so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.