i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.