i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.