There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
