Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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