Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
