I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
