even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
