halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
