he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
