If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
