I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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