Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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