yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
