They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
