i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
