I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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