is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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