remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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