I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Too much gin, very little bucket
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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