Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize