We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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