I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
