well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
