Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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