Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
