so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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