Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
