I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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