We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
