Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
