my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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