Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize