Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
