Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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