I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
