So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
