she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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