Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
