I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
