my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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