nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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