If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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