god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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