I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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