Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
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We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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