I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
