So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
PANTIES FOUND
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
