HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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