she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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