I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
